Atheists are Literally the Worst People on the Internet

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It’s gotten to the point where no one can even utter common phrases like, “You’re in my prayers” without some moron atheist jumping out of the woodwork to chastise them for daring to believe in some “imaginary sky fairy.” Like, did anyone ask your opinion? There’s something nasty about atheists, or at least those who represent the non-belief on the internet. For some unimaginable reason, they carry around this idea that they are, by far, the smartest people in the world. But if the smartest people in the world have nothing better to do than troll social media and act like spoiled teenagers, then we really need to start fearing for the future of humanity.

After embarrassing themselves for nearly two weeks straight after the Parkland, FL massacre, where they felt the need to shame any politician or individual who sent “thoughts and prayers” to the families of the victims, the online atheist brigade was apparently still in the fighting mood when filmmaker Kevin Smith had his heart attack this weekend. Smith, who is known for movies like Clerks and Mallrats, was recuperating in the hospital on Monday when a famous fan decided to let him know he cared.

Actor Chris Pratt, the star of the Guardians of the Galaxy and Jurassic World films, tweeted out to Smith, saying the director would never know how much he influenced his career.

“Kevin we don’t know each other too good but I have loved you since Clerks and I’m praying my ass off for you cause I believe in the healing power of prayer. Can you please pray with me people!?” Pratt wrote.

Pratt, who is one of the most famous Christians in Hollywood, said that Smith had inspired him with his first movie and that he would continue praying for the director for as long as it took.

What’s the problem, right?

Well, for online atheists who have no life, it was a big problem.

Let’s survey the wreckage:

“That’s cool and everything but Doctors and nurses save lives not prayer,” said one user who doesn’t have a clue.

“Great now I won’t enjoy your films as much knowing you’re a Jesus nut,” said another idiot.

“His beliefs are incredibly stupid,” said another keyboard genius. “If prayer works, a lot of you people have not been praying hard enough. Should have stopped the last 20 school shootings in America.”

Oh, wow, you just disproved the existence of God, dude! How many tokes did it take to get to that intellectual revelation?

Even if we were inclined towards atheism, the sheer sliminess of these people would make us want to believe in God out of pure spite. We’re going to go forward with the hope that most of these people are just angry teenage nerds who need an outlet for their hormones, but man, we wonder…