Feds Spend $432,000 to Study Gay Hookup Apps

66

Because there are no more pressing issues that require funding, the National Institutes of Health spent $432,000 last year to fund a study into gay hookup apps like Grindr. The grant was given to Columbia University scientists to survey gay men and find out if dating apps that use GPS were increasing the likelihood of risky sexual behavior.

According to the grant, such apps have made it much easier for gay men to find willing sexual partners, leading to a new culture of casual sex in the homosexual community. The data has been gathered already by the study’s authors; we are now waiting with baited breath to find out what they learned. Will it be worth half a million dollars? Only time will tell.

According to studies that have already been conducted and published, users of dating apps – straight and gay alike – have a higher risk of being infected with several common STDs like chlamydia and gonorrhea.

Putting aside the cultural implications of dating apps like Grindr, the grant is a perfect example of federal waste. Unfortunately, it is far from the only such example. And far from the most expensive. For instance, did you know that your tax dollars were being used in some of the following wasteful ways?

$20 million to produce a Pakistani version of Sesame Street

$50,000 to subsidize the 2nd Annual Hawaii Chocolate Festival

$2 million to start an intern program at the Department of Agriculture; exactly one intern was hired full time.

$51,000 to build a Stonehenge-like worship center for Air Force members who practice “Earth-based” religions like Wicca

$100,000 contest to create an app to track energy usage despite the fact that many such apps already exist

The list could go on almost indefinitely. No one is a more efficient waster of money than the federal government. By attaching ridiculous riders to must-pass bills, federal agencies habitually waste millions of tax dollars in ways that infuriate the average American. Because the problem is so enormous and so widespread, however, the backlash never reaches the fever-pitch needed for change to occur.

Not only does this speak to the importance of electing conservative Republicans who believe in shrinking the federal largesse, it speaks to electing business-minded politicians who know how to work within a budget. For too long, we’ve relied on career public servants who have never had to work a day in the private sector. They treat tax dollars like an unlimited fund, driving us further into debt and forcing us to pay higher taxes than necessary.

This is what liberals don’t get when they accuse the GOP of standing in the way of infrastructure improvements. Of course the country needs to make sure our roads, bridges, and buildings are up to date. But when so many millions are being wasted each year on programs that make almost no difference, conservatives recognize that the money has to come from somewhere.

But hey, gay apps…that’s important, too…