Jimmy Carter and the Liberal Side of the Pool

199

I would love to step into the head of former president Jimmy Carter for a day. I think it would be a trip rivaling anything you can get from mushrooms or LSD. Just imagine the colors and sights and sounds that must accompany such an extraordinarily foolish worldview. According to recent polls, liberals are less happy than conservatives, but I’d still like to take a stroll through that world for a day and see just what he sees.

Carter’s latest diarrhea of the mouth exploded on The Daily Show Monday, when Jon Stewart asked him about the motivation behind the terrorist attacks that rocked Paris last week. Looking through our normal eyes, we see only the grim shades of reality reflected by the bloody victims left by Islamic terrorism. But that’s so boring! Let’s see what the scene looks like through the kaleidoscope colors that define Jimmy Carter’s world.

“Well, one of the origins for it is the Palestinian problem,” Carter said. “And this aggravates people who are affiliated in any way with the Arab people who live in the West Bank and Gaza, what they are doing now – what’s being done to them. So I think that’s part of it.”

Oh. Of course it is. Isn’t it always?

To make sense of this outrageous statement, we’ll have to dip our toes into the liberal end of the pool. After all, liberalism is founded upon this undying need to “understand the enemy.” To liberals, a child molester isn’t to be scorned. He is to be sympathized with. A murderer has motivations that stem from an ugly childhood, and we must understand that he’s been every bit as victimized as the people he killed. And terrorists…well, we need to understand what horrors they are fighting against. Through peaceful conversation – not war – we will be able to stop this cycle of violence.

Ah, it’s warm down here in this end of the pool. I hope that’s not pee.

Let’s take a look around. Oh yes, here we go. At this end of the pool, we take what evil people say at face value. Not Republicans – that’s a different kind of evil. But terrorists, yes. We see the statements of Osama Bin Laden and we give them the full weight of truth. We do the same for Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi of ISIS. We listen carefully to the outrage of the Palestinian leaders, ignoring the evil shrieks of Netanyahu, the oppressor. Man, it’s a sad world over here. No wonder liberals are so miserable.

Swim into the deeper waters. Oh yes, here we go. On this side of the pool, America is the one great evil of our time. Look at it, so frightening and oppressive with its Christianity and its white people and its military. And what’s that right beside it? Oh, that awful Israel. The flags are black and ominous over here, dripping with the blood of minorities. Surely anyone who is fighting against this terrible duo is fighting for a just cause.

I’m starting to get pruned, so let’s head back. I can feel the first waves of depression hitting me.

Ah, that’s better.

Let’s take a moment to clear our heads, get the water out of our ears, and let our eyes adjust once again to the realities of the world. It’s a powerful force, that liberal delusion, but it’s no match for a clear head. There we go. We’re back.

Oh look, we’re just in time to see French philanthropist Roger Cukierman speaking on NBC Nightly News. He’s talking about the growing wave of anti-semitism and anti-Jewish violence in France. Should Jews stick around and see what Islam does to the country, or should they get the hell out of dodge?

“Many people are very attached to French culture,” Cukierman says, “but on the other hand, you think about the German Jews. The optimists went to Auschwitz, and the pessimists went to New York.”

Nothing like a cold splash of reality to wash the liberalism off your skin.

This exercise – laborious and hamhanded though it might have been – is dedicated to those last remaining conservatives who think liberals are just like them, except for a few differing opinions. No sir. It ain’t like that. They’re on the other side of the pool with the terrorists and the murderers and the child molesters. That’s where you’ll find Jimmy Carter, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize. That’s where you’ll find Barack Obama, winner of same. The pacifists. The empathizers. The appeasers.

They deserve their unhappiness. Beware of them, lest you fall under their hypnotic spell.