Liberal Celebs Registered With Conservative Party

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According to a new survey by the Los Angeles Times, there may be thousands of voters in California who are registered to a conservative political party…and they don’t even know it. No, these voters weren’t registered in some kind of underhanded scheme; they were merely too befuddled to figure out how to declare themselves unaffiliated. So instead of checking the box labeled “no party preference,” these whipsmart Californians checked the one labeled American Independent Party.

The LA Times surveyed 500 members of the American Independent Party and found that nearly 75% of respondents did not understand what the party stood for. “Nearly 3 out of 4 people did not realize they had enrolled in a political party that opposes abortion rights and same sex marriage and calls for building a fence along the U.S. border,” wrote the paper.

Hilariously, the paper reports that Hollywood celebrities like Demi Moore are registered to the party.

“Demi Moore is not, nor has ever been, a member of the American Independent Party,” said a rep for the actress.

Oh, but she is – even if, according to the paper, “fewer than 4 percent” of the people they surveyed actually knew they were registered to the party.

Due to the rules governing California’s presidential primaries, many of these wayward voters will be shut out of participating. The Republican primary is open only to registered Republicans, and the Democratic primary welcomes only Democrats and independents. Actual independents, not fools who see the word “independent” and mark the box as though competing to see who could register using the least amount of brain cells.

Perhaps this should be the way forward for Republicans. Stop trying to convince the low-information populace that conservative principles are what’s best for the country. Instead, just trick liberals and muddy-minded independents to vote Republican using their limited attention spans against them. This strategy should have been obvious after the 2000 elections when we saw how utterly bewildered Florida voters were by ballots that were, at best, mildly confusing. We just need a candidate with a name like Jack Democrat and the votes will come pouring in.

Now, some will object and say that kind of trickery is beneath us. Bah! Look at what we’re dealing with. We are up against celebrities who don’t even understand how to register to vote. Liberals who think it’s “racist” to enforce the border. Rock stars and corporations who suddenly think that transgender bathroom rights are the defining issue of our time. Democrats have built an entire movement on a foundation of American ignorance. Maybe we should stop trying to be “better” and start trying to win.