Wokeness Alert: You Can No Longer Have an Opinion About Indian Food

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It’s such an interesting time we live in. Every day, it seems, we learn more about what we can and cannot say. The arbiters of our national conversation? Well, the woke mob on Twitter, of course! Who else would we trust with gatekeeping the rules of political correctness in the Year of our Lord 2019? Who else but an angry, easily-offended collection of millennials and Gen Z-ers to better police our culture and explain to us that if you’re white, straight, or privileged in any way, you’d better either parrot your betters (minorities) or shut the hell up.

Today, thanks to the BBC’s reporting, we learned that white Americans may not proffer an opinion on Indian cuisine:

A tweet from a US academic calling Indian food “terrible” has sparked a hot debate about cultural intolerance and racism in international cuisine.

“Indian food is terrible and we pretend it isn’t,” said international affairs professor Tom Nichols.

Critics called his comment a tasteless generalisation.

The remark led to a wider discussion of the immigrant experience and how many in the US have experienced racism in relation to food.

Mr Nichols – who teaches at the US Naval War College in Rhode Island – posted his opinion after another Twitter user had asked for “controversial food opinions”.

Critics were quick to respond. “Do you not have taste buds?” asked celebrity chef Padma Lakshmi.

“Imagine going through life this flavourless,” wrote another commenter.

So there you have it. If you’re a white American, you can either profess a love of Indian food or you can–

“White people dunking on Indian food sucks,” tweeted Sonia Gupta. “But white people fawning over it sucks too.”

Oh. Well then. We stand corrected. If you’re a white American, you can basically have no opinion whatsoever about Indian food. We didn’t know. Sorry about that.

Oops, did we say “Indian food”? We meant any foreign food.

“Chinese food is tired,” tweeted ABC reporter Terry Moran. “It’s boring, gloppy, over-salted and utterly forgettable.”

Moran drew replies like this: “Oh Lord here we go again with bubble-inhabiting white guy, announcing his pathetic ignorance of an entire cuisine and its myriad regional varieties.”

It’s coming to the point where we’re not sure why anyone of any intelligence and good faith would continue to participate on Twitter. Unfortunately, every day we see the traits of this ideologically-intolerant cesspool bleed out into the wider world. Today, you’re a racist if you don’t like Chinese or Indian food. God knows where the bar will be set tomorrow.