Atheists Give Us Their New 10 Commandments

In an attempt to prove that the 21st Century has no need for such dated concepts as religion, a couple of atheist authors – Lex Bayer and John Figdor –  offered a contest. The “10 Non-Commandments” contest implored atheists from around the world to send in their alternative to the stone tablets spoken of in the Bible. 13 judges announced the winners on Friday, just in time for us to celebrate our new humanist beliefs around the holiday tree on the secular calendar date of December 25th.

Let’s see what they came up with.

1. Be open-minded and be willing to alter your beliefs with new evidence.
This goes for all you racist white people who don’t want to believe that Darren Wilson murdered Mike Brown. It does not go, of course, for the protestors who continue to hold up signs that read “Hands Up, Don’t Shoot” long after the evidence destroyed that narrative.

2. Strive to understand what is most likely to be true, not to believe what you wish to be true.
This one goes out to all of you ignorant folks still claiming that evolution is a lie. Idiots! It does not pertain to Rolling Stone or the radical feminists who want desperately for us to believe that all men are rapists-in-waiting.

3. The scientific method is the most reliable way of understanding the natural world.
Indeed. And since you’re too busy to conduct scientific experiments on your own, we encourage you to read about them in your favorite liberal newspaper where the findings will not be twisted in any way to fit an ideological agenda.

4. Every person has the right to control of their body.
But let’s be clear: you’re not a “person” until you’re out of the womb. You may, however, be a person if you’re an orangutan, according to a recent ruling from Argentina.

5. God is not necessary to be a good person or to live a full and meaningful life.
It is necessary, however, to vote Democrat.

6. Be mindful of the consequences of all your actions and recognize that you must take responsibility for them.
Of course, if you happen to live in an oppressive, racist country where only the “privileged” can succeed, you can disregard this one. Instead, blame your problems on the patriarchy, on systemic racism, and on the Republican Party.

7. Treat others as you would want them to treat you, and can reasonably expect them to want to be treated. Think about their perspective.
But if you feel like littering the Bible Belt with signs mocking Christianity, that’s okay. After all, who would want to think about the Christian perspective? That’s icky.

8. We have the responsibility to consider others, including future generations.
That doesn’t extend to doing anything about the skyrocketing national debt, of course. In that one instance, it’s okay to think only of ourselves.

9. There is no one right way to live.
Some people like to strap bombs to themselves before blowing a few hundred innocent people to kingdom come. Some people like to play video games. It’s all good. As Sheryl Crow told us way back when: “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.” Except if you’re a gun owner. That’s bad.

10. Leave the world a better place than you found it.
And that means erasing any remnants of religion you might find as you walk around, living in whatever way makes you happy. Except Islam, of course. That one, we must protect.

I don’t think the traditional 10 Commandments have anything to fear when it comes to this crowd-sourced crop of secular philosophy. Progressives are unlikely to ever see it this way, but sometimes the old wisdom is worth keeping around.

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