PETA Files Copyright Suit on Behalf of Monkey


You can’t find fifteen liberals to take a stand against Planned Parenthood, but when it comes to the rights of photography-inclined monkeys, watch out. The domestic terrorism organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals filed a lawsuit this week in federal court on behalf of Naruto the monkey, claiming he owns the copyright on “selfies” he took in 2011.

Do you ever wonder if you slipped into a comedic tragedy at some point? Like, surely this isn’t the real world, is it? Back on Original Earth, they’re facing serious issues, promoting common sense, and living in harmony with logic. Here on Bizzaro Earth, they’re arguing that boys can be girls, unborn humans aren’t humans, and monkeys are basically just people with alternative lifestyles.

Naruto, a rare macaque monkey who resides in Sulawesi, took the pictures with photographer David Slater’s camera. Absurdly, Slater actually thought he could take those pictures and sell them, clearly ignorant of the fact that he was living on Bizarro Earth. And PETA isn’t his only enemy. Even Wikipedia argues that since the monkey took the picture, they have the right to use the photo as they please without compensating Slater.

“The facts are that I was the intellect behind the photos, I set the whole thing up,” Slater said in response to the suit. “A monkey only pressed a button of a camera set up on a tripod — a tripod I positioned and held throughout the shoot.”

PETA wants all of the picture’s proceeds to go back to Naruto, claiming that he is an avid investor whose portfolio has suffered without the expected income. Okay, no, but would it be any more unbelievable? Maybe that’s what’s happening on Bizarro Earth 2, where everyone pines for the restrained insanity of Bizarro Earth. See, someone always has it worse.

Legal experts say there’s little chance that PETA will win the suit, but they apparently haven’t been clued in to Bizarro Earth either. They’re still playing by the old rules. The rules that prohibit the Supreme Court from creating law out of nothing and then enforcing that law against the will of the American people. If there’s a loud enough Monkey lobby out there, we can probably find a federal judge to rule in favor of Naruto.

Hell, why stop there? Do monkeys vote for Democrats? Maybe this can be the next step in their cynical election strategy. First the illegal immigrants, next the monkeys. God help us if Donald Trump or Ben Carson come out against the prospect of a monkey president.

But you know what? If a monkey president is what it takes to put us on a course back to Original Earth, we’re all for it. We keep thinking that the breaking point has been reached…and we keep getting proven wrong again and again.

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